Vegan Appreciation Day

I am an ex-vegan. A vegan apostate.

But:

Despite eating dairy products and fish, I still eat a lot of vegan meals. I don’t actually like meat, and while I consume yogurt and cheese, I suffer some lactose intolerance.

I recently chatted with a friend who has been vegetarian for 6 years and wants to stop. He wants to eat the same things as his wife, an omnivore; he wants more protein; he believes some meat in his diet would improve his health. “But I just can’t,” he said. 6 years off meat has made him squeamish.

I am squeamish too. That’s my main reason for refusing to eat birds and mammals: the thought is simply too icky for me. I eat fish occasionally, which is icky enough. I need to build up some real hunger for it to overcome my aesthetic aversion. When I really crave animal protein, it’s fine; anything less and it feels gross.

How fortunate I am, then, that I don’t have to eat fish, let alone other meat, every day. I have all kinds of plant options readily available at my local mainstream grocery store. Despite my criticism of vegan “fake” foods (especially simulated dairy), I happen to love “fake meat,” especially “Chick’n”. Not because it in any way resembles chicken, but because it doesn’t. It’s just toothy concentrated plant protein wrapped in a salty oily coating, calorie-intensive and tasty the way only highly processed junk food can be. I keep this stuff in my freezer and enjoy it about once a week. It was almost impossible to get 25 years ago, when I was a practicing vegan. Now I can get it at my local Meijer.

I have vegans to thank for this. Vegans who worked very hard pushing fake meat into the American mainstream. I hear investments in these idealistic plant-based food companies are drying up; that would be a shame. Hardworking, annoying vegans made these options possible not just for other vegans, but for me and you and everyone. Hardworking, annoying vegans — vegans who work hard at being annoying — got a number of fast-food outlets to place vegan offerings on their menus. They are the reason I can get an edible “Impossible Burger” at most American restaurants, instead of being stuck with some grain-based “veggie burger” which is basically a bread sandwich.

My squeamish friend bemoaned his reliance on expensive protein shakes. “Oooh have you tried Soylent Creamy Chocolate?” I evangelized. “These save my ass on long bike rides!” He couldn’t believe a plant-based shake could taste good, so I broke open a bottle and we split it. Why did I so enthusiastically push this highly processed vegan beverage on my friend? Not because I want either of us to be vegan — we were both discussing how we want to move AWAY from veganism. No, I was pushing it because it’s an excellent product and I love it.

Once again I have vegans to thank. Who else would painstakingly formulate this concoction, figure out how to make it tasty AND shelf-stable, and create a viable company to distribute it throughout the USA so I can get it easily? Thank you, vegans!

Many vegans are annoying. But the squeaky wheel gets the avocado oil, and by being squeaky for all these years, vegans have improved and expanded food offerings in America’s lavish markets. Thus, they have made our capitalist lives better. They may condemn our non-vegan impurity, and we may ridicule their idealism, but we all benefit from having more and better choices at the grocery store.

So thank you, vegans. You’ve improved the life of at least one animal: me.

Author: Nina Paley

Animator. Director. Artist. Scapegoat. View all posts by Nina Paley