Your Handy Guide to Sin and Guilt Offerings

Ever wonder what ruminant/bird you need to sacrifice for your sins and impurities? Well wonder no more. This handy table makes it easy to atone! 

I asked SuperGrok (an AI chatbot) to make me a table of all the sins/impurities in the Old Testament requiring a sacrificial offering. Here’s what it produced. You’re welcome.

Sin/Guilt (or related impurity requiring compensatory offering) Standard Offering Discounted Offering (if available)
Unintentional sin by the anointed (high) priest (brings guilt on the people; Lev 4:3–12) Young bull without defect (sin offering) None specified
Unintentional sin by the whole Israelite community/congregation (Lev 4:13–21) Young bull (sin offering) None specified
Unintentional sin by a leader/ruler (Lev 4:22–26) Male goat without defect (sin offering) None specified
Unintentional sin by a common person (doing what is forbidden in the Lord’s commands; Lev 4:27–35) Female goat without defect, or female lamb without defect (sin offering) (See graduated options under specific cases in Lev 5; not universally restated)
Failing to testify / withhold evidence when one has heard a public charge (Lev 5:1) Female lamb or goat from the flock (sin offering), after confession Two doves or two young pigeons (one sin offering + one burnt); or, if still unable, 1/10 ephah finest flour (no oil/incense) as sin offering
Unwittingly touching ceremonially unclean things (e.g., carcass of unclean animal or creature) and later realizing guilt (Lev 5:2) Female lamb or goat (sin offering), after confession Two doves/pigeons (one sin + one burnt); or 1/10 ephah finest flour (sin offering)
Touching human uncleanness of any kind that makes one unclean, even if initially unaware, then realizing guilt (Lev 5:3) Female lamb or goat (sin offering), after confession Two doves/pigeons (one sin + one burnt); or 1/10 ephah finest flour (sin offering)
Thoughtlessly / rashly taking an oath (to do good or evil) and later realizing guilt (Lev 5:4) Female lamb or goat (sin offering), after confession Two doves/pigeons (one sin + one burnt); or 1/10 ephah finest flour (sin offering)
Unfaithfulness by unintentional sin regarding the Lord’s holy things (Lev 5:14–16) Ram without defect from the flock (guilt offering, of proper value) + full restitution + additional 1/5 to the priest None specified
Sin by doing what is forbidden in any of the Lord’s commands, even without knowing it at the time, then realizing guilt (Lev 5:17–19) Ram without defect (or its equivalent/value) as guilt offering None specified
Sins against a neighbor (deceiving about something entrusted/stolen, cheating, finding lost property and lying about it, swearing falsely about such matters; Lev 6:1–7) Full restitution + additional 1/5 to the owner + ram without defect (of proper value) as guilt offering None specified
General unfaithfulness / wrong against another (with no surviving kinsman to receive restitution; Num 5:5–8) Confession + full restitution + 1/5 (to the priest if no kin) + guilt offering None specified
Sexual relations with a betrothed slave woman (Lev 19:20–22) Ram as guilt offering (after investigation; she is not put to death) None specified
Unintentional sin by the whole community (failing to observe commandments; Num 15:22–26) One young bull as burnt offering (with grain and drink offerings) + one male goat as sin/purification offering None specified
Unintentional sin by an individual (Num 15:27–29) Yearling female goat as sin/purification offering None specified
After childbirth (purification from flow of blood; Lev 12:6–8) Year-old lamb (burnt offering) + young pigeon or dove (sin offering) Two doves or two young pigeons (one burnt + one sin)
Cleansing from a defiling skin disease (after initial rites and waiting period; Lev 14) Two male lambs + one ewe lamb + finest flour mixed with oil + oil (includes guilt offering of one lamb with blood/oil application to ear/thumb/toe, plus sin and burnt offerings) One male lamb (guilt offering) + 1/10 ephah finest flour mixed with oil + log of oil + two doves or two young pigeons (one sin + one burnt), “such as they can afford”
Male or female with certain abnormal bodily discharges (after waiting/washing period; Lev 15:13–15, 28–30) Two doves or two young pigeons (one sin offering + one burnt offering) None further reduced (birds are the prescribed standard)
Nazirite defiled by contact with a dead body (Num 6:9–12) Two turtledoves or two young pigeons (one sin + one burnt) on the 8th day; then a male lamb as guilt offering (and restart the vow period) None specified
Completion of a Nazirite vow (Num 6:13–20) Male lamb (burnt), ewe lamb (sin), ram (peace), plus grain/drink offerings and other items None specified
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Pussy-Whipped

A transcribed handwritten journal entry from this morning.

I’m mad at Lola, but being mad at her won’t stop her from walking across my pillow when I’ve just gotten back to sleep, much-needed sleep ended prematurely by this furry little bitch. Nor will it stop her dispensing poop on the counter as she licks herself from her latest diarrheic episode, nor will it stop her from sticking her ass over the opening of the litter box so she craps on the floor. It won’t stop me spending $100’s on special diet food and new litter boxes trying to manage this geriatric phase of my cats’ lives, even as I try to manage my bronchiectasis by upping my cleaning and attempts to sanitize everything. I need sleep for health, I need cleanliness for health, I need health. These fucking degenerate degenerating decrepit cats are…killing me? Are they killing me? I want to kill them sometimes. I need my fucking sleep.

I can pray but experience tells me I can only pray for acceptance. I must accept some situations are shit. If it’s not actually shit I can pray for the wisdom to see that, and if there’s anything I can change I can pray for the courage to change it… But I’m not gonna kill my cats. I love them.

Resentment is the flip side of love. Only by loving am I vulnerable enough to be hurt enough to resent. I’m extraordinarily vulnerable; I guess I’m extraordinarily loving. Did I love everyone who cancelled me? I loved the world and trusted people, yes. Did I love (unnamed psycho trans activist)? Not specifically, but a certain base level of trust and love of my fellow human beings was degraded by him. Did I love (relative)? On some primal level, sure, and now any shred of conscious love for him is gone, leaving only the dead weight of obligation.

My poor kitties, though. As much as they hurt me, they are innocent. I can’t lock them out at night because I love them and their cries would devastate me (and keep me up anyway). Poor Lola, who wants only love and closeness to me, and knows nothing of human hygiene, and is incapable of rudimentary reasoning because she is a cat and also may be going senile. She’s incapable of considering my needs or — ha-ha — any boundaries at all, because she is a cat.

But Lola is amply able to love me as only a cat can. She loves me, this I know. It’s a love devoid of human respect or empathy; it’s about pure closeness, primal trust/dependence, and touch. I need these things in my life too. So I’m grateful for my evil fucking cats.

L-R: Momo, Lola, pussy-whipped human
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