5:23am

5:23 am June 15 2026 NW Champaign, IL

That’s when the sun rises in Urbana, IL at the height of summer. All June and July I got up by 4:15am, so I could be on my bike by 4:40 and ride off into the sunrise.

My Ti-Rush near Ogden, IL at 5:44am July 12 2026. On Sundays at dawn I will ride route 150, a highway too busy and dangerous to take any other time.

Sunrise makes anywhere beautiful. Time-shifting my day was like traveling to some desirable vacation destination, without leaving home. While my sister hiked across the Italian Alps, I gasped aloud with wonder at the beauty of every golden morning in my own county. Every day I saw deer and bunnies, the fall and rise of rivers, the phases of the moon.

The full moon sets behind Homer IL, July 31 2026

Well, half the phases of the moon. Just before dawn the moon is only visible between full and almost-new. The full moon sets as the sun rises, on the opposite side of the sky. Each subsequent day as it wanes, it appears a little closer to the sun. By the time it’s a slivery crescent it’s barely ahead of the sunrise, which quickly renders it invisible. Once it’s new and waxing, it chases the sunrise, when the morning sky is too bright to distinguish it. The following weeks it’s on the other side of the earth at pre-dawn, when I leave the house. Not until it’s full or almost-full do I see it again.

Setting dawn moon south of Urbana IL, July 30 2026

Pre-dawn midsummers are cool, or at least tolerable in severe heat waves, which we had this year. The only thing that kept me from biking was rain, and sometimes not even that. I trespassed a few times when I got caught in storms, taking shelter under whatever farm building overhang I could find.

Trespassing near Fithian, IL. May 20, 2026

Once I trespassed Rosie’s Tavern on Grape Creek near Belgium, not due to rain but sun: I needed to apply sunscreen for a century (100+ mile) ride that would expose me to the brutal rays I avoid on shorter adventures. Caught on the outdoor security cameras, I was soon visited by a man in a truck with a dog asking what I was doing there. I got in no further trouble but cursed my stupid iPhone, which had updated its OS and re-set Strava without my permission, turning on “cellular data” which drained my battery so fast I had to re-charge it after only 38 miles. That’s what I was doing at Rosie’s too, taking advantage of an outdoor electrical outlet.

BUSTED! Rosie’s Tavern security image, May 25 2026 8:29 am.

I had to keep stopping and charging on that ride, lest my phone die and fail to record my hard-earned 109 miles. I had lunch at a sweet little diner, the Covered Bridge in Eugene Indiana, so I could plug it in for 45 minutes. That wasn’t enough for the full ride, so on my way home I returned to Rosie’s, the scene of my crime, where a woman standing outside said, “are you Nina?”

The Covered Bridge diner in Eugene, IN is next to a covered bridge. May 25 2026

How did she know? She had sent the security camera image to her sister, who just happens to be an acquaintance and recognized me and my bike. What are the odds? We chatted about mutual friends, she invited me into the tavern (which is like 100 years old, a pre-Prohibition relic) and gave me delicious coke with ice on the house. We exchanged phone numbers and selfies.

My Calfee Stiletto leaning against Rosie’s Tavern near Belgium IL, May 25 2026

That ride ended with me overheating, followed by my first bout of “exercise-induced gastrointestinal syndrome.” My Crohn’s disease-weakened digestive system just shut down, causing several days of serious suffering and a vow to never eat diner food on a long ride again. I also vowed to take shorter, more moderate rides instead of two centuries back-to-back, which is what preceded the episode.

Sunrise over a flooded field near Seymour, IL. 5:43am June 25 2026

Thus began my glorious 2 months of pre-dawn excursions, during which I didn’t have to wear any nasty sunscreen. Occasionally I would do a metric century (100 kilometers, about 62 miles), but was careful not to over-exert myself nor overheat. I did gradually increase my efforts until the last week of July, when I rode 351 miles, including my first century since late May.

Easy Racers Fold Rush on the gravely part of the Lincoln Trail near Homer, IL. 6:00am July 22 2026

Then I projectile vomited and embarked on my second episode of exercise-induced gastrointestinal syndrome, from which I still haven’t recovered. Or maybe it’s something else. Maybe it’s CANCER! I get to worry about that since I have Crohn’s disease. My blood test a few days ago showed no biomarkers for Crohn’s inflammation, so whatever this is isn’t technically a “flare,” despite the same symptoms.

“Digestive Failure,” a self-portrait of July 29 2026

I would be attempting a moderate sunrise ride this very morning were it not raining. Instead, I’m finally writing about my rides, something I think about on my rides but don’t actually do because riding fills me with satisfying endorphins that remove any further need to express myself. I have written and directed masterpieces on my rides that will never come to fruition, nor even planting. I’m full of great ideas that all work themselves out through the pedaling and breathing and smelling the morning air and watching the sky change colors and seeing deer skip across the roads in front of me. At least in the middle of summer. Which has passed. Winter is my time to create, but only because it’s too cold to ride.

4:54am July 7 2026. Urbana, IL.

See you then.

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SSDI Blue Book Cards-In-Progress

Here are my SSDI Blue Book illustrations-in-progress, of categories 1-7. I’m going to go back and make the backgrounds and labels a bit more consistent; the two’s have unnecessary headers I will remove. Next up is category 8, Skin Disorders!

Thus far I’ve noticed people with chronic illnesses find these amusing, and those without find them disturbingly grotesque. Just you wait! Sooner or later you’ll get one illness/injury/incurable disabling condition or another, and then you’ll laugh along with the rest of us.

Continue reading “SSDI Blue Book Cards-In-Progress”

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Illustrating The SSDI Blue Book

Crohn’s Colitis

I just applied for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI). I don’t expect to get it. Although I have at least 3 qualifying conditions — Crohn’s Disease, Bronchiectasis, and Major Depression (treated) — I haven’t been hospitalized over 48 hours for any of them.

The application process was worthwhile anyway, because it brought me to the SSDI Blue Book. This lists all the ailments that may qualify you for Social Security monies doled out in modest increments prior to retirement age. They are a reminder of the many things that go wrong with the human body: Vision loss. Hearing loss. Amputation. Heart disease. Neurological degeneration.

Amputation

In addition to broad categories like Musculoskeletal Disorders (1.00), Digestive Disorders (5.00), Hematological Disorders (7.00), and so on, the Social Security Administration maintains a list of Compassionate Allowances Conditions. These are almost all fatal, and bypass the often years-long application process for a merely months-long one that may or may not outlast the applicant. Reading it gave me a sense of perspective, as well as discomfort, fear and sadness: Heart Transplant Graft Failure, Lymphoma, ALS, Hydranencephaly, Mixed Dementias, Cancer, Cancer, and more Cancer, all terminal. Kinda makes Crohn’s and bronchiectasis seem less dire.

Mixed Dementia

We’re all gonna get here sooner or later, unless we die suddenly (accident, homicide, etc.). Covid brought me here to Disability Land sooner. It left me with a permanent low fever and ever-expanding autoimmune conditions I never had before. It took away what I thought were another decade or two of active mid-to-latish life. At 57 I am accumulating conditions more common to those in their 70’s or 80’s. Still, I got off easy compared to many. Crohn’s, for example, is often diagnosed in adolescents; I didn’t get it until I was 55. Many disabilities are invisible, and we have no idea what everyone is struggling with.

Plus, my pulmonologist says 57 is Old. So it’s time for me to make some art about being Old:

I’m going to illustrate (parts of) the SSDI Blue Book.
Maybe I’ll make another playing card deck with them: The SSDI Qualifying Impairments Deck.
But to start I’m just illustrating.

If there’s a specific ailment you want me to include, you can commission one here. Be sure to name the condition and let me know it’s for this project. I can also make its sufferer resemble you or another victim of your choice.

Blindness

I have felt a lot better since starting this project, so even if it’s in terrible taste and everyone hates it, I’m doing it anyway.

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Bronchiectasis Mascots

What’s a good shorthand for bronchiectasis sufferers? People with Crohn’s disease are sometimes called Crohnies. I suggest people with bronchiectasis should be referred to as Bronchies. That of course suggests images, so I drew two:

Buckin’ Bronchie full color
Buckin’ Bronchie

Until recently bronchiectasis was classified as a rare disease. The symbol of rare diseases is the zebra.

Bronchiesaurus — or Bronchiectasaurus, Bronchiectasuar, or Bronchiasaur — full color.
Bronchiesaurus

You’re welcome.

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Bronchiectasis

For my 57th birthday I got a diagnosis of Bronchiectasis, a chronic incurable lung condition often associated with Crohn’s disease.

In addition to coughing for the rest of my life and being extremely susceptible to infections, there’s the problem of pronouncing it. The syllabic emphases are like “bronchi-ecstasy,” although it is in fact bronchi-agony.

Bronchi-agony

Or, as my friend Caroline called it, Brontosaurus Ecstasy:

Brontosaurus Ecstasy

A week ago, the day after my birthday, I went to “Convenient Care Plus” because my pinkeye and nosebleeds had returned and my cough never left. They gave me a CT scan which revealed dilation of my airways, as well as small nodules and granulomas. I was put on new drugs, and although I am still miserable the pinkeye has gone away and the codeine helps me sleep.

Appointment with pulmonary specialist is in about 2 weeks. I wish it were sooner but that’s what they got.

As I wrote on Xitter:

My job is now being sick, and I’m being sick like it’s my job. I ROCK at this. So many symptoms, so many serious disorders. And I just don’t recover! Shows real commitment. I excel.

I didn’t want to be sick of course. But I got “the call,” and although I resisted, when you’re called you’re called. Being sick is my vocation. I didn’t choose it, it chose me!
I am so good at being sick. I am especially good at hating it. Real passion there.
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